Friday, June 21, 2013

our 10 for a happy marriage

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Today is our 10th wedding anniversary. That's a BIG deal to us.

Marriage is definitely an adventure that takes a lot of work. But, it’s worth it. I love Scott more than anything and I’m extremely proud of our marriage. A friend once told me: I love how much you love Scott. You bring out the best in each other. That comment made me feel so good about where we're at in our relationship.

And no, we're not perfect. We’ve had our ups and downs just like every other couple (there have been times when I swear we're both speaking a different language), but we’ve learned to work through challenging times and we always try to find the positive in even those less-than-ideal situations.

Although we’re far from being experts, here are 10 things we’ve learned over the past decade that have helped us to stay married and happy (we worked on this list together in between periods during the Stanley Cup playoffs):

1. Make your marriage THE priority
Don't let other things get in the way. I'm Scott's best friend and he's mine. Period. Our marriage is the centre of our lives and we regularly check in with each other to see if the other person is feeling loved, needed and most importantly, heard. 

2. Hold hands and kiss often
There's something to be said for the spontaneous make out. Even after ten years there's nothing quite like when Scott plops a big one on me (:

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3. Explore new things together
We’ve taken a couples massage class, tried out circus school, ate live ant larvae in Thailand and ziplined in Costa Rica. It’s important to grow together, to push your boundaries and to move out of your comfort zone as a couple.  Stagnation is never good. The adrenaline rush you get from trying these kinds of things doesn’t hurt either.

4. Go on walks
Scott and I walk Lucy, our chocolate lab, every night and we make sure to leave our phones at home. This is our time to chat about our day, make plans for the future and sometimes even gossip (him more than me). It's uninterrupted “us” time and our favourite way to chill together. 

5. Be silly together
We have fun every single day and we’re always trying to making each other laugh. This often involves trying out dance moves we've seen on "So You Think You Can Dance" and/or singing Rihanna songs in an operatic style (okay, the Rihanna stuff is all me). It also helps that we both have the same goofy sense of humour.

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6. Take turns making dinner
Shortly after we were married, I found myself at Superstore on a Sunday night shopping for groceries for the coming week. I was tired, grumpy and beyond annoyed. I called Scott and told him I was done with being the sole grocery buyer and meal planner. From then on, we shared dinner duties. Another good lesson here: ask for what you need. Your partner is not a mind reader.

7. The little things do matter
I can’t tell you how much it means to me to get an “I love you” text from Scott in the middle of a busy work day.  And vice versa.  Surprises involving baked goods and Starbucks chai lattes are super popular in our house, too. We also like to leave each other love notes on our kitchen chalkboard. Those are the best. 

8. Keep the television out of the bedroom
Our bedroom is home to the trifecta - sleeping, reading and sex’ing. That's it. And while we’re on the topic of television, invest in a PVR, if you haven’t already. This is the best marriage keeper out there. Thanks to the pause button, I can provide ongoing commentary during a hockey game without fear of death.

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9. Show your appreciation
Say “please” and "thank you" often and mean it. Don’t limit being polite to strangers and co-workers. Your partner deserves (and needs) to hear those words from you, too.

10. Learn to compromise
A successful marriage requires selflessness. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?” Happy wins. Almost always (;

After 10 years of marriage, this is what has contributed to the success of ours and helped us to stay connected and content. I’d love to hear what’s working for you!

Here's to love! xoxo

p.s. How we met, our anniversary two years ago and last year.

26 comments:

  1. Happy Anniversary!! I have always looked up to you two as a couple, you fit each other like a glove and your love is so obvious and contagious. I'm so thankful for such a solid, happy couple as role models in my life. Love you guys!

    Love that part about "your partner is not a mind reader!". I can only hope we are as happy as you two at ten years, I am taking notes!!

    Enjoy your trip!!
    Christine

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    1. Thank you so much for the sweet comment, C! It means a lot to me to know that you look up to us as a couple. xoxo

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  2. This is such a wonderful post - your 10 years has my 7 beat but I totally agree with everything you wrote!

    Courtney ~ http://sartorialsidelines.com

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    1. Thank you so very much, Courtney! Congrats on your 7 years! That's no small feat, either. Marriage is hard work.

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  3. Great tips, you guys! Love the honesty about little things you do for each other. Thank you for this post, very helpful and kinda inspiring.
    Happy anniversary!

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    1. Spasiba, Kat! I'm so glad you liked the post. It took us a while to figure out what we wanted to include - especially since we did it during the Stanley Cup finals (:

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  4. Awwww Happy 10th Anniversary!! What great pictures for the two of you to have! D. and I are celebrating 7 years of being together tomorrow : ).

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    1. Thank you, Marie! Congratulations on your 7th anniversary! That's a big deal, too.

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  5. Happy 10th! I love your list, all great!
    These pictures are also so fantastic!

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    1. Thank you, Cheryl! The pictures were taken a couple of years ago. I think new ones are definitely in order for this fall. I'll have to convince Scott that we NEED them (;

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  6. Happy Anniversary!! What a great milestone! :)

    I love, love, love this list as a woman on the verge of getting married... AND as someone who believes and practices quite a few of the things you have listed here! Our relationship is priority and we always kiss and hold hands and show affection to one another as much as possible. I'm also big on showing appreciation and try to remember to thank B regularly for even the smallest things he does for me and Halle. You have some other tips in here that I think we could work on together too!

    You two are beautiful! Enjoy your celebration! xoxo

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    1. Kerry, you are too kind! Thank you for your sweet comment. I'm so glad you found something in our list that you & B can use in your own relationship.

      Here's to the beginning of your own adventures in marriage! I bet that day can't come soon enough for you (:

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  7. Congrats on ten years! I agree with your list, for sure. :)

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    1. Thank you, Rachel! It took us a while to decide what to include (we came up with 20+ items), but we got 'er done. We'll save the rest for our 20th (:

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  8. What a beautiful post... we just celebrated 10 years last October... and I appreciate everything on your list.
    :)
    XOXO
    V

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    1. Hvala puno, Valerie! It means a lot to me that you were able to relate to this, too (:

      p.s. Congratulations to you and Vanja! xoxo

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  9. Happy anniversary!! Hope you had a great time on your getaway!

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    1. Thank you so very much, Randi! We had a supadupa time on our Charleston getaway (: Blog post to come - after I sift through the 2300+ pictures. Oh boy!

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  10. Happy anniversary love birds! This is a fantastic list - always good to have those reminders so you don't let things slip :) have a great 10 year celebration!

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    1. Haha! Thank you, Heather! I really dig the term "love birds." (:

      And yes, it's so important to not to let things slip - which judging by the divorce rate, sadly happens way too often.


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  11. 10 years married?! did you guys elope in your freshman year or something? I love your 10 list. this year marks Trev & my 10 years together & 7 married milestone. I found myself nodding and/or taking notes on a lot of these. your "happiness wins" resonated with me. xo
    ps - we need to meet.

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    1. You're too flippin' kind, Sara! Thank you.

      And if I remember correctly these pics got the "Barbara Walters" effect.

      p.s. Would love to meet you! I have a feeling we'd create a ruckus.

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  12. Very sage advice. I think so many people enter marriage and forget that is it is one long term project. I have been with my husband now pushing 8 years and I am thankful, happy, and excited to see what the next few years bring with birth of our first baby. Going to be a wild ride!

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    1. What an exciting time in your relationship, Noelani! Looking forward to "meeting" your mini-me.

      p.s. Thanks for visiting (:

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  13. A great post and happy to have found another Canadian blogger. Are you on twitter? If so we should follow each other there too. @ivagrbesic.

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    1. Thanks for popping by, Iva! Drago mi je te upoznat (:

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