Monday, November 25, 2013

navigating the roads of friendship





I’ve been struggling with a challenging friendship situation. And while part of me wanted to just continue on with things, without any real resolution, I knew that wasn’t the best way to handle the situation. It didn’t feel right to continue hiding my feelings (I’m not very good at that to begin with since I wear my heart, well, my entire being, on my sleeve).

 Instead, I took the advice of St. Paul who expressed this universal principle beautifully:

Everything is shown up by being exposed to the light, and whatever is exposed to the light itself becomes light. 

Instead of continuing to withdraw from the friendship in order to protect myself or remove myself without any explanation, it was so much better to discuss my feelings and needs with my friend, openly and honestly, without any pretense or bullshit. There was much more to be gained than lost and this was definitely a friendship worth mending.

Now that we’ve talked and I’ve shared my feelings, I no longer have anything to hide, protect, or project. The darkness has disappeared and everything has come into the light.

And you know what? I also feel lighter mentally and physically - a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. No matter how the future unfolds, I know I was authentic and genuine and that feels really good.

Ideally, I’d like all of my relationships to be founded on love, trust and reciprocity. With that being said, it’s important to realize that we’re all human, we all make mistakes and we all need forgiveness and understanding. Myself included.

Have you ever had to navigate through a difficult friendship situation? What did you do to improve things? 

P.S. Can you tell I’ve been reading books by Brené Brown? Highly recommend. And make sure you watch this, too. It’s inspiring and thought-provoking.

9 comments:

  1. love this Dajana. having hard conversations is... well... hard and it takes courage to put it all on the table (even for the sake of a relationship). staying true to who you are is the key to happiness I do believe. Brene Brown is making a killing off us bloggers ;) xo

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    1. Thanks so much, Sara! My integrity is all I have so it was important for me to lay all my cards on the table (I have strong a urge to sing The Gambler now).

      P.S. Brene is da bomb! The hold list to take out her books from the library is super long.

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  2. love this post so much. it's so inspiring to continue to be real, especially when it comes to important relationships. i went through a similar situation this summer - i finally built up enough courage to speak from the heart but it landed up blowing up in my face. i still feel right and good about it even though the friendship has lost it's spark. being at peace with yourself is so important. thanks for sharing. xo

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    1. Thanks for sharing your own experience, Sarah. I’m sorry it didn’t work out between you and your friend. It does take a lot of courage to speak from the heart, especially nowadays. I often feel like people would rather hear BS & lies as opposed to the truth. It reminds me of Kelly Oxford’s book, ”Everything is Perfect When You’re a Liar,” which is about telling it like it is and not sugar coating things. What ever happened to having integrity in relationships?

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  3. You are a really good friend to be honest. It's the hardest thing to do but so worth it. If it doesn't work out, you know you tried. If it does, your relationship will be so much better. Good job!!

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    1. Thanks, Carol! It WAS hard to do. The best part is that I feel hopeful moving forward. And that has to count for something, right.

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  4. Thanks for sharing that, Dajana! I feel like people end up in similar situations but fail to be courageous enough to confront the sucky situation and take the easy way out. I feel like I'm in a similar situation right now actually ..but what do you do when you're 90% sure the other person doesn't want to talk about it/would rather you be distant than talk about it? But without honesty how can you be truly authentic inyour friendships, right? And oh man, I LOVE Brene!

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